What we’ve learned about marriage in the past 15 years…

15 years ago, Mama & Papa Train were married…

Four weeks later, Mama & Papa Tutu were married…

We were all young wippersnappers of course… and stood in each other’s weddings.

Ah, to have 20-year old bodies again. Not to be 20 again, mind you, but oh, the bodies before 7 children… *smile*.

Now, to some, 15 years doesn’t seem like a lot, but it’s surprising in this day and age how many marriages don’t make it to the ripe old age of 15. So, because sharing is what we do, we’d like to share some of the things that we have learned over these past 15 years about marriage.

Note: This is a mixed list compiled by both Mama Train AND Mama Tutu. We’re not telling whose lessons are whose…

  • Always kiss good morning and good night.
  • Pray with him and for him.
  • Don’t go into your marriage or into any situation thinking that you are going to change your spouse. It’s not going to happen. The only person you can change is you. The sooner you realize that, the better things are. And sometimes, when you make an effort to change, they might “come around” too… but never expect it.
  • TV and Movies are WRONG. Men were not created to be idiots who need their wives to mother them and save them from themselves.
  • Don’t be so busy attending to the kids that you forget to pay attention to him.
  • Don’t bad mouth your spouse — not just when you’re in front of him, but even when you’re out gabbing with other women. It’s one thing to vent now and then to someone who loves and understands both of you, but it’s very easy when a group of women get together to participate in man-bashing. It’s your job as his wife to encourage, uplift and love him. Participating in husband-bashing is not only none of those things, it is beneficial to no one. Be better than that.
  • If you need him to do something around the house, ask him nicely. He really does not see that the trash is overflowing so much that it is resting on the wall behind it.
  • In the same manner, you must give him a timeline. “Yes” to him means “eventually.” It doesn’t mean “Yes right now.”
  • Admit when you’re wrong. (Not that this ever happens to Mamas T&T)
  • Men NEED *ahem* intimacy. It’s a physical need and the longer they go without it, the more *ahem* CRANKY they get. It’s like a man’s version of PMS. If you will notice, more fights are started over stupid things the longer it’s been. Be intimate with your husband. It makes life better and covers a multitude of little annoyances.
  • Ice cream from Sonic as a peace offering can do a world of good.
  • Look forward, not back. None of us are the same person we were 15 years ago, but not all change is bad. Grow together and continue to plan and dream together while embracing who you and your spouse are now. Love the spouse you have in the here and now.
  • He NEEDS your admiration and respect just like you NEED him to take care of you and listen to you tell him every detail of your day.
  • Sing his praises to others.
  • It’s important to go out for coffee now and then with your girlfriends… and it’s important that you let your spouse go hang out with the guys now and then, too.
  • In order for him to lead the family, you have to be willing to follow his lead.
  • God gave him the role of being the leader of the family. When you realize that God also gave him the wisdom and abilities to make decisions for the family, life will be sweeter. This doesn’t mean that your input and wisdom does not matter. He will seek out your input and wisdom when he knows you sincerely trust him to lead and when you willingly follow.
  • Do not cook something boring on Friday nights. He has worked hard all week and wants something special to eat to start his weekend!
  • Work with him to get your finances in order. Financial problems can hurt your relationship with your spouse SO MUCH. Both the Trains and the Tutus have been involved with the Dave Ramsey program. It. Works.
  • A little friendly competition can be a good thing. Play games with your spouse. All kinds.
  • Men are terrible mind readers and women have complex minds. It’s not fair for us to expect them to “just know” something. We have to calmly tell them how we feel. Without tears and raised voices, if possible.
  • Never stop dating.
  • If you feel you’re in a “slump”, think about participating in the Husband Encouragement Challenge.

So, Happy Anniversary to us!  Here’s to 15 plus many more happy years together!

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About Laura

A Christian wife, mother, daughter, former educator, photographer, amateur chef, pretend gardener, alto 🎶, book nerd, cancer-survivor and laundry-hater.

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One Response to What we’ve learned about marriage in the past 15 years…

  1. Debi Kirksey May 28, 2012 at 9:09 pm #

    I’d love to see all your wedding photos!! Your marriage is grounded in the Lord, and you are an inspiration to many….

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