I’m waiting to post this until some time has passed… but I want to go ahead and share some thoughts that I have right now, so I’m just going to keep it ongoing until I’m ready to share. So, if you’re reading this… I’m ready.
June 30, 2011 – Went in for my baseline mammogram. Nothing eventful. Was in and out in 30 minutes.
July 6, 2011 – Got a call that my mammogram showed some abnormalities. Density and calcification. I needed to come in for more views and a possible ultrasound. Of course, I couldn’t schedule the followup until next week, which gives me plenty of time to worry.
July 12, 2011 – Having a rough day. This silly mammogram thing has me all worked up. I have since recalled a “lump” that I felt several months ago but blew off. It has not gone away as I expected it too, and now all of a sudden, abnormal mammogram results seem much less trivial.
July 13, 2011 – Today was the day. I went in, they did the “additional views”. They were not happy, so they also did an ultrasound. The tech showed me the solid mass on the screen, which means it’s not a cyst. The radiologist did her best to feel comforting. She said that in her mind, based on the look of it, and my age, it is benign, but ordered a biopsy just to be sure. Frankly, I don’t give a lot of weight to the “because of my age” comment. After all, I have beat those odds before… with my “old man’s disease” of kidney cancer at age 30. That time, after they found the mass, I wasn’t too worried at all… and BAM. Cancer. But as cancers go, I had a pretty easy time of it. No radiation, no chemo. Just got rid of the kidney… fortunately, God gave me two. Breast cancer is not like that. (Well, yes, there are two… but I mean the followup treatment. It’s a little more scary). Despite the odds, I am scared.
July 14, 2011 – I am still waiting on a call from the radiologist to schedule my biopsy. They only do them on Mondays, so it may be a couple of weeks before I get in. Hopefully, I’ll get an appointment sooner rather than later. It’s the waiting game that messes with my mind. Yesterday, I didn’t handle things very well. But today is a new day. I had a very small group of individuals pray over me last night, and I know there are several HUGE prayer warriors out there praying on my behalf – the Parsons, my friends Amy & Lana, Ms. Kathy (Aka Mama Faul), and biggest of all, my MOM. (Who is pretty tight with God.) The odds are for me. 4 out of 5 cases of breast biopsies turn out to be benign. The shape and lobulation of the mass also are consistent with benign tumors a large percentage of the time. So, while yes, it could be the dreaded “C” word, I have just chosen not to worry about it. If it is, it is, and we’ll deal with it. If it’s not, then there’s no need to fret over it. I need to focus more on my daily walk. My daily Bible reading. My relationship with my husband and children. My efforts to get this house under control! Here’s to a productive day!
7/14 Update – The radiologist called, and I will be able to get in this Monday (in 4 days!) What a relief.
July 18, 2011 – Today was my biopsy. It was actually an interesting procedure, as I got to watch on the ultrasound as the needle went in… I’m a little sore, but not too bad. Let’s hope this is the worst it gets. I should know something in 2-3 days. The radiologist was encouraging, and I am still choosing not to worry.
July 20, 2011 – Hoping no news is good news. Still haven’t received a call with biopsy results. Nerve-wracking, even though I’m trying my best not to worry.
July 21, 2011 – The nurse finally called this afternoon to let me know that the tumor was benign. Praise God!! Even after I had told myself not to worry, my stomach was in knots all day today. I wonder why we do that to ourselves. Aren’t we told… “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?” (Luke 12:25).
I hope that no one takes offense to my title. After all, cancer is a terrible disease, not to be taken lightly. But what do we gain by letting fear of this disease control us? I think I was more afraid of the “unknown” than of the actual outcome. I’m a planner. I don’t like not feeling in control. When am I going to learn to “let go & let God”? I am blessed that this ordeal had such a positive outcome, and it’s easy to say I have peace about this, now that it isn’t anything. My desire for myself, and for anyone else out there that may be going through “valleys” is that we have faith enough to find peace no matter what.
- “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:6-7